I lost my job.

I didn’t misplace it.

As we say in TV…my contract was not renewed.

As we say everywhere else…

I got fired.

That was 10 years ago (this week).

So, I’ve had a decade to reflect.

In loss…there’s often a gift.

It maybe wrapped in shit.

But it’s a gift.

The gift was pancakes.

I was a co-host of a morning show called Good Day LA.

I got paid to drink coffee and gossip on TV.

But I was up and out the door around 4am.

When (said with a smirk) my contract was not renewed…

I made pancakes for my son and took him to school.

A few years later we took him to college.

If I hadn’t made those pancakes, I may have had a mommy guilt empty nester breakdown.

Another gift was friendship.

My TV co-host and I famously didn’t get along.

Much of LA knew Jillian Barbarie and I had a two decade cat fight.

Now, a decade later…we’re close.

What happened?

Things like cancer.

Jillian had breast cancer.

But what really happened was forgiveness.

We forgave all the stupid shit.

How?

It’s hard to give a how to.

But I can give a how not to.

I used to forgive in a sanctimonious way.

As in, I forgive because I’m such a good human.

Then I heard Marianne Williamson explain A Course in Miracles (for Dummies).

She said forgivness is seeing the light, seeing the best in others.

Last summer I lost the 2 best people I knew.

And one of them was a dog.

I lost my dog and my mom.

Almost a year ago.

And there are gifts.

Near the end Mom didn’t always know me.

She always knew my son (I’d say…hey, you knew me longer).

But her slipping away felt like an act of gentleness, of kindness.

And she was a gentle, kind woman.

The other gift was saving the world.

Mom dragged us to volunteer when we were kids.

I spent one summer as a Candy Striper at Georgetown Hospital in DC.

I still have the outfit.

I dabbled in charity work.

And why do we call it “work”, it’s often fun.

I call it funlanthropy.

After I ‘lost” my job I took charity “work” seriously.

I made 6 trips around the world volunteering on charity missions.

I almost died 3 times in 3 different cabs on 3 different continents.

And visited places that were BYOTP (bring your own toilet paper).

But those are stories for another blog.

The gift is…focus on others and you forget your own crap.

I almost get high from it.

Charity work is my drug of choice (after wine).

Another gift was Mom and Milly were both ready.

Mom told me.

Milly tried to.

Near the end I was giving my dog two shots a day.

She’d hide.

She hated me.

A psychic friend (I’m like the psychic friends network) told me Milly was tired.

On Mother’s Day I got yellow roses.

The card said…

Love Milly.

I eyed my husband…

But he didn’t send them.

My psychic friend finally admitted to sending them.

She said MIlly begged her.

Who knew Milly also had psychic friends?

Milly let the psychic know (I know it sounds crazy) that she loved and appreciated me…but she was ready.

She died in June.

It will be a year next week.

Mom died in August.

Loss softens or hardens your heart.

Mine feels squishy.

A photo just popped up from this day 10 years ago.

From my last day on my show.

I had worked there almost 20 years.

There were tears.

And booze.

We drank champagne, live on TV, at 10am.

The photo made me laugh.

And that’s a gift.

I started to think all the lessons and gifts in 10 years….

The gift of time.

With Mom and Milly during Covid.

Of travel.

Those mission trips.

Of teaching

Now I teach college classes in Broadcast Journalism.

Of writing.

Which I’m doing right now…with a nice cup of tea.

Of friendship, forgiveness and focusing on others.

Of making pancakes.

Of not wearing pancake makeup.

Of not caring (as much) what people think.

I found 10 gifts in the years since I “lost” my job.

And not all of them came wrapped in shit.

At least one came with champagne