I didn’t want a dog.

I got up at 4am & didn’t want to get up before 4 to walk a dog.

We already had a cat & two lizards (therefore worms & crickets, but they weren’t exactly pets).

Then our Vet had a litter of pups.

They were two days old.

One sat in Nash’s lap.

I didn’t know it yet.

But we had a dog,

Milky Way Goldstein, aka Milly, looked like a candy bar.

My son gave all our pets food names, Oatmeal the cat, Banana & Lemon the lizards.

Although we once had a Suckerfish named …Suckerfish.

Milly’s mom was a beagle.

Dad…unknown.

She was the least fancy dog in Malibu.

She liked to pull Nash around on his skateboard.

Idadirod Milly.

She liked to fight for a sock we’d endlessly toss over her head.

Milly in the Middle.

She’d dress herself before a walk,  picking her own bandana.

She was hanging out the car window once, bandana on, ears flapping.

A Baldwin (Daniel to be specific) pulled up & yelled… “Now that’s a fuckin’ dog””

She broke her toe once.

And broke her tail twice (wagging it too hard).

She survived eating chicken bones.

She survived eating the plastic that comes with raw chicken.

She was pretty healthy for a 16 year old.

Until she wasn’t.

She got an infection.

I had to give her three antibiotics.

And two shots a day.

She’d hide from me.

But on Mother’s Day day I got flowers…

From Milly.

A psychic friend (you know, I’m like the psychic friends network) said Milly had bugged her to send me flowers.

She knew I was trying to save her.

We’ve lost plenty of pets.

We literally lost Lemon.

We had to evacuate in one of the (many) Malibu fires.

Mr G (the husbsnd) & I were both reporting on the fire.

Nash was with friends.

I was by the fire station which almost caught on fire.

I had the dog, cat & lizards in the car.

I was trying to do TV, while Milly was barking like Timmy’s in the well

Paige Hannah (Daryl’s lovely sister) came by & took her for the day.

Milly evacuated in style.

Oatmeal was still in the car with the lizards.

When I finished my live shot…

Lemon was gone.

I looked hard at that cat.

But eventually decided Lemon made a run for it.

Especially since I never found parts of him (her?) in my car.

Oatmeal died in my arms when he was 17.

I loved that cat.

But…Milly.

She was my spare soulmate.

We went on hundreds of hikes.

She was the reluctant star of my IG.

Unlike me, she didn’t like the camera.

But she loved her humans.

When she sat, it was always by husband’s lap.

When Nash went to college (for which she never forgave him) we fed her from the table.

We let her take over our bed.

All the stuff you’re not supposed to do.

When she got sick and threw up (a lot) I never reminded her that we had white carpet.

She was getting better.

We thought.

But the infection had spread.

When they told us she wouldn’t make it through the night…

We sat with her.

She stared at us.

First at David, then at Nash, then me.

She knew.

Yet another psychic friend (apparently Milly has a psychic friends network too) told us she’s still with us.

Thar she enjoys stretching out on and not getting kicked off the bed.

She never (ok, rarely) got kicked her off the bed.

I did occasionally shift her so that I could stretch my legs.

As I got in bed the night she died, a photo of her popped up on my phone.

Either she sent it,

Or my phone is trying to break my heart.

It’s been two months.

I only cried twice writing this.

The next Blog will be harder.

I am about to lose my mom.

Always thought Milly would be here.

Instead, she’s teaching me about grief.

Friends ask if we’re getting another dog.

I say, I don’t want a dog.

But I’ve said that before…

Maybe we’ll eventually get one.

Maybe we’ll name it Snickers.