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          Someone threw up on the plane. I knew there’d be no Bloody Mary, because of some bloody drunks. But barf? This was before takeoff, but too late to get off. I hadn’t been on a plane for two years. We had Covid fears. And vaccinated friends who got Covid in [...]

    Inhale four times. Exhale four times. I’m mediatating. On the potty. I did a meditation for dummies (me being the dummie) Instagram Live interview with meditation mama Stephanie Carson. She says breathing… Even for a few moments. Even on the potty… Is a good start. Stephanie is offering free meditation on Zoom. I [...]

          Glad you can’t see me. I look like a smurf. I just applied my Tiffany blue face mask. By the end of this blog my skin will be plumper. My ass will be too… Because, of course, I’m snacking. My hands look like… The 2000 Year Old Man. My hair [...]

She sees a guy with 45 Lean Cuisines in his cart. She says… Sir… It’s going to be ok. She should know. She‘s a psychic. She’s also a Brit, so whatever she says sounds legit. Psychic Natalie reads the people in the market. At Starbucks… She reads the barista. At a restaurant (remember them?) She [...]

    We aren’t supposed to be breathing on each other. But somehow I got talked into a Breathwork class. Lisa Breck invited me. I said…no hugging. She said… If you don’t hug me I’ll mount you like they do on The Bachelor. I hugged her. We all hugged. Trish Suhr, of the corn thing. [...]

Went to a fancy party. A book party for my friend Char the psychic. I see an oversized copy of her book on the table. I go to open it. Only it isn’t a book. It‘s a cake. This reminds me of my wedding cake. It was in the shape of Tiffany boxes. People thought [...]

      I feel something furry. I open my eyes and spy my puppy (she’s actually 13…but immature) She saunters past me. We’re all outdoors, on the floor, on yoga mats. I go to grab Milly as she goes to French kiss my friend Nancy. When Nancy doesn’t sit up and scream dog germs… [...]

I’m floating on air. Not on the wings of angels. But on the hands of strangers. Ten people holding me. Ten feet in the air. So… How’d I get here? A friend said meet me tomorrow night. Alright. She said leave early they’ll be traffic (Thursday is the new Friday). In this new decade I’ve [...]

“Hold your pee…” Code for tighten your vajayjay. “Clench your pelvic floor.” Also code for tighten your vajayjay. “Then bend over… And say hello to your butt.” We’re bending our spines. Opening our minds Neda says… “Do you think God put much thought into the butt?” In some classes you contemplate your navel. In Neda’s [...]

I open my front door. There’s a woman there. She says… “She’s talking.” I look around… It’s just us. I say… “Who’s talking?” She says… “The house.” So my house is…talking to this woman? The woman’s name is Jonisha Rios. She’s a real estate agent in the Valley. She talks to the buyer, the seller… [...]