WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY…BLOG!

When you don’t have anything nice to say…Blog.
I’m joking (mostly).
I (mostly) take the high road. I have taken the high road for so long I have a nose bleed. Which I guess is better than your eyes bleeding.
People ask if I’m thrilled that the guy who fired me “resigned”. I get my thrills elsewhere.
I (mostly) don’t wish ill on anyone. I am so damn evolved. Or at least evolving.
And to those of you who tell, Tweet or Facebook me everyday that you miss the old Good Day LA I say… thank you. It was (mostly) fun while it lasted. And it lasted a good long time.

Now can we talk about my butt? It’s plastic. I could recycle it.

Three “blondes” Brooke B, Laurie D and me decided to be the Kard-ASS-ian sisters for a Halloween party. We got plastic butts, dark wigs and hooker makeup.
I love hooker make up.
We went to MAC and I ran smack into my old makeup artist from my old show. She was shopping and didn’t see me buried under ounces of eye shadow. I said HI! No reaction. I said…Hey it’s Dorothy (as in…Hey remember me? You did my makeup at 5AM for 18 years?) Has it been that long? Or maybe it’s just a damn fine Kourtney costume.

Since I’m short I was Kourt. My friend Brooke was Kim Kard-ASS-ian. Brooke had the Mending Kids twins from Ethiopia in tow. When we put the wigs on they wigged out a bit. They’ve seen quite a bit on this trip. Including supermodels and superstars. I’m getting to that part.

My son (who’s embarrassed by most things I do) did not like the butt.
And I have to say it was a pain in the butt. My dress was so short (do I need to say that, or is that just a given?) I had to put the butt inside my tights. It was tight in there. All night people kept slapping my asset. The butt was dimpled, dented and digging into my real tush with every twerk.

At the party a guy was showing his real butt. He wore tightly whities and an apron. It was either an homage to Breaking Bad or he just wanted to show his ass.

Remember when Halloween was for kids?

The kids from Ethiopia were on the Cover of the Malibu Times this week. They performed at a fund-raiser for the Malibu Boys and Girls Club. They did a little waka waka (Tsamina mina eh eh waka waka eh eh) to Shirka. We took a van from Coach Neda’s dance trailer (best dance class in Malibu…juicyathleticmoves.com) to the Gala. 14 kids in the van. 12 from Malibu, 2 from Africa. All singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.

The event was at an estate owned by Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss. It used to be Mel Gibson’s home. And while I’m dropping names…the kids danced in front of a fancy crowd, Julia Roberts, Pierce Brosnan and Cindy Crawford. In Ethiopia the twins and their family live on 22 dollars a month. Here they dance for supermodels and superstars.

They are healing from surgery and will go home in November. I’m hoping to visit them in December. It will be my third trip to Africa with Mending Kids. I want to see where the kids live. And see what else we can do to help them.

Meanwhile back at the Gala…

They were starving after dancing. Brooke and I (the bad chaperons) raided the kitchen to grab pizza for them. We spotted some cute cake pops and almost grabbed them. But then noticed they were Patrone pops. Probably not good to give kids a tequila pop.

Not that I’m anti tequila pops or shots but… remember when cake pops were for kids?

Meanwhile back to my butt…

Got to pop the dimples out. It looks like I’ve got cellulite in my stunt butt.
You’d think someone so (mostly) evolved and grounded wouldn’t care so deeply about a well-rounded buttocks.
But then I will be ready for Halloween.
The one with the trick or treating that’s still (mostly) for kids…
And remember when you dont have anything nice to say…blog about your butt.