4 DOGS AND A HEDGEHOG

My family is small and furry.
I have only have 1 cousin.
But she has 5 kids, 4 dogs, 2 cats and a hedgehog.
I wouldn’t say Cashew the hedgehog and I are close.
But we are family.
I went to see my east coast family. Took my Mom on a road trip to see her sister.
We did 7 states in 7 hours.
Started in Virginia near DC, then Maryland, Delaware (for a minute) NJ, NY, Connecticut (almost ran out of gas in New London CT…which I now refer to as F-ing New London) & on to tiny Rhode Island.
Taking selfies and singing all the way.
Mostly because the radio in the rental was shit.
My Mom is back east in DC seeing my sister. But she hasn’t seen her sister in years.
I felt compelled to get them together. We stayed with my Aunt and Uncle for 3 days. The combined ages of those 3 rounds up to 300.
So you understand my need for speed in having a reunion.
My cousin Patricia…who I call Pat Pat…calls me Dotsie.
We are the same age.
We grew up like sisters.
We used to argue about whose Mom was older.
I insisted my Mom was younger.
This was a lie.
Perpetrated by my Mother.
Pat Pat & I are days apart.
Our Moms are a year apart.
My Mom is sweet and gentle.
And apparently a liar.
My Mom is older.
Neither one of the old bags has any wrinkles.
We call my Aunt Eileen…Aunt I.
We have some weird ass family nicknames.
I asked Aunt I why she has no wrinkles.
She said her secret is…
Spit and Vaseline.
She claims she has no lines around her mouth because she wets the lip area with spit. Then covers it in Vaseline.
This is a family secret.
So secret I never knew.
I’m sharing with you so you can save thousands on Botox.
You’re welcomed.
Aunt I & Uncle Larry (apparently men get no nicknames) have been married for 70 years.
I asked Aunt I her secret…
She said “I ignore him.
And sometimes when he walks by I smack him.”
Again…
I’ve been doing this all wrong.
When we left my Aunt said “This is my big sister and I may never see her again.”
I burst into tears.
And got on the road again.
RI to CT. To NYC. Down the Merritt Parkway.
Where God paints the leaves red this time of year.
I lived in New York City for many years. This is the first time I ever drove in the city.
Same shitty radio reception.
And my copilot slept through 7 states.
She did wake up for junk food on the Jersey Turnpike.
I had Roy Rodgers fried chicken.
It will be in my tummy till I’m 80.
When we were almost back in DC I said to my Mommy…
“Wasn’t it great to see Aunt I?”
She said…
“It was OK.”
Ok?
7 states, 800 miles, endless coffee & crap food.
I’m thinking Priceless.
She says OK.
Then she elaborated…”It was nice”.
Nice I can accept.
It was nice.
Family is nice.
Not always a Hallmark card.
But nice.
Maybe Mom was just mad that she never got to see the hedgehog.
It slept in it’s home the whole time.
Now I’m heading home…to hibernate.