WHERE ELVIS MEETS JESUS.

I wasn’t in the bathroom.
But close.
Too close.
Last row.
Lavatory adjacent.
This happens when you decide to fly to Israel two days before you go.
But I had the whole row.
I was reclining and drinking wine.
Eating peanuts and watching that movie where the shark tries to eat Blake Lively.
I was waiting for something horrible to happen.
It did.
The flight attendant started circling me menacingly.
He told me some sick, drunk guy needed to sit by the potty.
Or we might have to divert.
Divert to where?
Syria?
Of course I’ll move.
To Business Class perhaps?
He said “You can stay. He can lay in the 2 seats next to you.”
So drunk guy is going to sit with me?
I’d prefer Blake Lively’s shark.
I gathered my things in case of vomiting.
I considered taking my emergency ambien.
But I have a friend who is a flight attendant.
Juan once told me about a woman who once walked around a plane naked.
She had taken ambien with wine.
They never found her clothes.
Ever.
As I was making the Sophie’s Choice of wine or ambien they told me drunk guy was laying down by the other potty.
I returned to my wine and movie.
Two more movies…
And a mere 15 hours later we were there.
A friend told me if you want to go to Israel…
You just tell God.
You declare it out loud.
And within a year a trip will materialize.
And it did.
I said it in January.
And I’m here.
Well almost.
I got out of the cab at my hotel.
Except it wasn’t my hotel.
The taxi somehow dumped me at the wrong hotel.
It’s 10pm in Tel Aviv.
And I’m walking the streets.
Schlepping my stuff.
But after 15 hours in the air.
40 minutes in a cab.
And 3 blocks on foot.
I arrive.
I came because I had 2 friends who were going to be in Israel at the same time.
I decided two free places to stay was God’s way of telling me this was my trip.
12 hours later my friend Isabelle & I were on our way to the Old City in Jerusalem.
We passed tanks, Palestinian territory, and the Elvis gas station.
It’s right by the Elvis diner.
It’s like a little city of Elvis near the City of God.
We did stop there to pee.
But there are more important things to see.
Like The Wall.
The Western Wall (once referred to as the Wailing Wall) has been there since 20 BC.
It’s what’s left of the temple that King Herod built.
On the sight of the temple that King Solomon built.
Solomon…King David’s son.
King David who wrote The Book of Psalms.
King Solomon who wrote The Book of Proverbs.
I wrote a little prayer.
I put it on The Wall.
The Wall is alive with centuries of hopes and tears.
When you leave you walk backwards.
So that you don’t turn your back on The Wall.
The Wall is in the shadow of the Temple Mount and the Dome of the Rock.
It’s where God made man.
Where Abraham almost sacrificed his son.
Where Muhammad ascended to heaven.
We walked to the church built on the rocks where Christ was crucified.
We kissed the stone where they laid after.
We saw where they buried him.
Where he ascended to heaven.
We saw where he turned water into wine.
There is a gift shop next to the spot.
I kid you not.
It’s called The First Miracle Gift Shop.
My friend Kim and. I floated in the miracle that is the muddy Dead Sea.
It’s a sea in a desert.
The mud is great for your skin.
I think it got rid of the wrinkles in my neck.
That in itself is a miracle.
We put our feet in the Jordan River where John the Baptist baptized Jesus.
We stood by the Sea of Galilee where Jesus walked on the water.
Where he turned 5 loaves and fishes into 5000.
They served us fish from the Sea of Galilee.
It was the one time I was sad I didn’t eat fish.
I jokingly called it the cradle to grave Jesus tour.
But it’s no joke,
The bible is alive and well in Israel.
In a space smaller than LA.
On the way home I was once again in the last row.
As the flight attendant turned my water into wine…
I reflected on the week that has changed me forever.
Thinking how I burst into tears at the grave of Mary.
How I felt such peace at the Sea of Galilee.
This is where Jesus preached “Blessed are the pure of heart, they shall see the Lord.”
My heart isn’t pure.
And I didn’t see the Lord.
But I did visit his hood.
And it was good.