My Somewhat Inappropriate Travel Blog.

I had that donut neck thing.
I had some red wine.
A nice flight attendant snuck me a cheese plate from business class.
So I almost enjoyed the 10 hour flight.
When we got to London we immediately went to a Cathedral.
I like to drag my husband to churches.
It’s one of the ways I torture him.
We went to St Paul’s, where Princess Diana got married.
The last time I visited St Paul’s I saw hundreds of people riding bikes.
Naked.
I asked some blasé Brit why people were showing their bits.
He said…it’s the Queen’s birthday.
So they celebrate the 91 year old monarch with a naked bike parade.
I don’t remember seeing that in The Crown.
I took a discreet photo on my phone and tweeted it.
Twitter deleted it.
Apparently it was pornography.
British bits may appear larger on an iPad than they did on my iPhone.
This time people were wearing raincoats.
It is London.
The food is good now.
But the weather still sucks.
But I love it.
I love Westminster Abbey, where Will and Kate got married.
Yes, I dragged my husband to that church too.
It’s surprising that we’re still married.
Since this is allegedly a travel blog I will tell you we stayed at a hip hotel called the Citizen M.
We had a view of The Tower of London, where they used to execute people.
Henry the 8th had two of his six wives killed there.
Our room was small.
Our bathroom was smaller.
Yet we didn’t kill each other.
We went to the Tower Bridge. Where you can sit on top and watch the boats go by.
We walked so many miles it was like a treadmill vacation.
But I ate my weight in scones.
As for restaurants I recommend Hakkasan (hip Chinese) Bucco di Lupo (best bread ever) and Bar Boulud (Harrods adjacent, so you can shop then drink or drink then shop).
Speaking of drinking…
So many Pubs, so little time.
A few favorites are The Sanctuary Room (Westminster Abbey adjacent…had to promise the husband that church came with a beverage. And not just the Communion wine.)
And you should have champagne at The Shard.
Unless fizzy makes you dizzy. It’s the tallest building in Europe.
To sober up I recommend a visit to Parliament.
We listened to the Brexit discussion.
The bill was refered to as a sows ear.
But it sounds so polite when the Brits say it.
We went to the British Museum to see the Rosetta Stone (the actual stone, not that thing they advertise constantly).
We went to Buckingham Palace.
Where there are 78 bathrooms.
Yet we commoners are forced to use porta potties.
Speaking of potties…
We went to a concert at Hyde Park.
It was pissing rain during Shaina Twain.
Afterward I was in the endless ladies room line.
And some bloke showed me the brave birds who were using the Gents room.
I followed them.
I averted my eyes from the bits at the urinal.
And saved an hour of my life.
The tube saved us hours in traffic.
Feeling like locals we took the underground back to Heathrow.
I stood up too soon and fell on my backside.
It’s just a bone bruise.
But I still want a tee-shirt that says I broke my ass in London.
The flight home was 11 hours of advil, wine and whining.
That donut neck thing came in handy again.
I sat on it.