Someone threw up on the plane.

I knew there’d be no Bloody Mary, because of some bloody drunks.

But barf?

This was before takeoff, but too late to get off.

I hadn’t been on a plane for two years.

We had Covid fears.

And vaccinated friends who got Covid in Cabo.

But after our dog died (that’s another blog that I can’t write quite yet) we needed to get away.

We hadn’t been to Hawaii since Nash was little.

Now he’s big with a kid (ie a puppy) to support.

You fill out all sorts of health info before you go.

I got carded all over Hawaii.

Vaccine carded.

We watch Ted Lasso on the plane.

And laugh so loudly we annoy people without headsets.

We land and actually get a car.

Put the top down and…

It starts to rain.

But if you drive fast enough you hardly get wet.

We check in and check out snorkel gear.

Two turtles greet us.

I follow one like it’s the sequel to My Octopus Teacher.

We see tons of Yellow Tang  (orange Tang is a drink, Yellow Tang is a fish).

A Triggerfish bit Mr G on the ankle.

There are ankle biters in the ocean, and in the pool.

But the kids aren’t as loud as those of us (mostly us) drinking at the adult pool.

I hear the night swim with the Manta rays is a must do before you die.

Since we hadn’t been to the Big Island in 25  years I figure we shouldn’t wait for the next trip.

You get in a wetsuit & get in a small boat at sunset.

Of course, it’s raining.

But we get a big ass rainbow.

Mr G asks why I almost have an orgasm when I spy a rainbow.

I ignore him and continue to enjoy my rainbow and the pink sunset, until they made us get in the water.

You’re in the dark, hanging on a surfboard with a light.

The light attracts the plankton (see SpongeBob for more details on plankton).
The plankton attracts the rays.
You wait.
And wait.

Then they come.

They look like black and white kites.
They weigh 6 thousand pounds.

And are closely related to sharks.

Except they eat plankton, instead of you.

They come at you (at the plankton) with mouths wide open.

Some people scream.

I laugh.

You could choke chortling in your snorkel.

We’re told not to touch the rays, but they get so close they almost touch us.

They name them…Stevie Ray Vaughn, Ray Charles, Blue Ray.
I want to be a mermaid and stay.

But they ask us not to pee in the wetsuits.

And eventually, you know, I had to pee.

Next day I try a kayak.

Been doing SUP for years, finally realize I could sit down.

We find great snorkel spots south in Kona.

And take a trip north to see friends who live in Hilo.

I make Mr G go way out of the way to see the Waipio Valley Overlook.

We take (fake) smiley photos after a (rare) argument.

People often ask me what’s the key to a good marriage.

I used to say…don’t spend much time together.

That ended with Covid.

I think ending an argument quickly (which means him saying I’m right…right?) helps.

After seeing our friends we briefly dream about opening a Snorkel Bob’s at the airport.

You could get & return your snorkel stuff with your rental car.

At night we venture out to the Lava Lava Beach Club.
You play, hopefully sanitized,  Cornhole while you wait 2 hours for your table.

Next day I take a 2 hour hike (takes one hour to burn off one Mai Tai).

Only run into one person I know.

Maui is like West LA.

The Big Island has more rain, but fewer humans.

We take a catamaran sunset sail on our last night.

The light is so good I made Mr G take endless photos of me.

He calls it the solo tour.

I call it Instagram.

We put the top down, of course, it’s raining, when we go back to the airport.

I spray our masks with On Guard (mix of sanitizer mist  & essential oils).

We take off.

And some guy behind us starting coughing.

Kind of made me nostalgic for the barf.

 

 

 

In case, like me, you only read the lists…
Best Meal: Shortbread chocolate chip cookie at Waima Coffee Co

Best Restaurant: Brown’s Beach Club. Best bread basket, they put honey (or crack) in the butter.

Best Sunset Cocktail Spot: Huggo’s Kona

Best Place to Sit and Wait for Your Cocktail: LavaLava Beach Club.

Best Snorkel Spot with Everyone:  Kahalu’u Beach (like an aquarium).

Best Snorkel Spot with No One: Manini Beach (two reefs, few humans).

Best Beach Where You Will Never Swim: Laupahoehoe (dramatic, dangerous surf).

Best Beach Read: Been There, Married That. Gigi Levangie You‘ll laugh at least part of your ass off.

And Best Must Do (if you are  crazy enough to) Night  snorkel with the Manta rays.

Aloha.