I’m Not Making This Stuff Up

So I’m watching a Meryl Streep sex scene. Well I was half watching. Half way through a bad Meryl movie. I didn’t even know Meryl made bad movies till I saw Hope Springs. And then I was faced with a Sophie’s Choice.
Ambien or wine? Or both. I was on a flight to Africa. Actually the second of three flights. And I knew I couldn’t choose both because my friend the flight attendant just told me a story about a woman who asked for a drink on a long flight. She was completely naked.
He suggested to me that ambien + alcohol could mean humiliation or possibly arrest. So (you know me) I picked wine. At the very same time the Captain got on the PA to say there was smoke in the cockpit. You know that song Smoke on the Water. What’s that next line? And Fire in the Sky. He said he didn’t to want to cross the ocean while we were smokin’ so we went back to DC. I didn’t smell smoke (then again I was way in the back, in a middle seat by the way). It was scary. It was the 5 hour flight to nowhere. But we made it back to DC ok. The next day we went back to the airport to try try again. I was flying with my friend who had told me about the naked lady. When you fly with airline staff you fly standby. It’s a bit like the Amazing Race. You never know if your getting on the flight. We got to Germany but the next leg was sold out so they put us in the jump seats. The ones the flight attendants use. We flew over the Alps and the Greek Islands. I of course saw none of this since I wasn’t by a window. But I knew we were flying over Benghazi and we stopped for fuel in the Sudan (a place I never wanted to see unless I was with George Clooney). The entire flight felt like we were 5 seconds away from being a news story.

Jump seat to The Sudan

But 4 flights and 5 movies later we made it to Ethiopia. And when I say we…I don’t mean me and my luggage. That will show up someday ( right?) Anyway here I am…to volunteer with Mending Kids International. On a medical mission. A cardiac mission (ironic since I almost had a heart attack when the Captain mentioned the smoke). I know our doctors will save lives. That sappy Meryl Streep movie had a happy ending. Im sure this trip will too…