Don’t Sweat it…There Is Life After TV

I just put on my sweat belt thing…which reminded me to post the blog I wrote for the Huffington Post. This is basically a lazy 2 for 1 post. xo

This is why I don’t make lists. on my (nonexistent) to do list, hike, have sex with my husband and blog. Well I am doing one of those things. Hello Blog.

(I’m not just blogging. I’m burning calories. I’m wearing this thing on my tummy. It looks like a wetsuit and it’s wet with sweat. You’re supossed to wear it for 45 minutes. I’m going to see if I can blog and lose an ounce in 45 minutes.)

I used to have a great job on TV. For 18 years I actually got paid to gossip about famous people. Then I got a new boss. He said my voice made his eyes bleed. I never saw any actual blood but nevertheless he fired me. So now I’ve had some time to repent and reinvent myself.

(Speaking of time I have been wearing this sweaty thing for seven minutes now. It’s itchy).

I always say Pamela Anderson saved my life. God helped. But mostly it was Pam. She didn’t save me in a BAYWATCH way. I was only drowning in gossip. Our kids went to school together. I will never forget a brilliant sunny day when she put sunscreen on my son. They were practically nose to nipple. But I digress.

(Now very itchy. Getting bitchy…bitchier. Better get to the point).

One Good Day LA was reporting on people I knew. On kids that I knew, I live in Malibu. I was reporting on people I saw at Starbucks. You should not shit where you eat (or where you drink coffee). Having a relationship with Pam and starting a relationship with God was changing me. Slowly.

(Slow burn on my tummy. Twenty minutes. Must have burned off a Girl Scout cookie by now).

For penance and for my sanity started doing charity work. Actually I think work is the wrong word. I find charity “work” fun. That’s why The Good News Girls (The Good News Foundation is a group of LA newswoman dedicated to making some GOOD news in LA) came up with the word FUN-lanthropy. You feel good doing good. The best self-help is to help someone else. You forget your crap when you help someone with their crap.

(Twenty three minutes. Half way there. i don’t think you are supposed to eat while wearing this thing but I am having a piece of cheese. Soon I will be wearing this thing and drinking wine).

In my free time (which I have a lot of now) I went to Africa. Twice. I was a volunteer on a medical missions for a charity called Mending KIds Internstional.The surgeons save lives. The volunteers make sure they have M&Ms and toilet paper. Not a lot of toilet paper in Ethiopia. Your right hand is for eating. Left hand is for wiping. We also hold the hands of the parents while the kids are in surgery. You definitely want to hold the right hand.

Africa deserves its own Blog. I would go back in a minute but the trip is expensive. I flew with a friend who is a flight attendant. So much cheaper. But you fly standby. I got the last seat out of Ethiopia. It was the jump seat. We stopped (thankfully just for a few minutes) in The Sudan. And I got bumped off a flight or two. It’s a bit like The Amazing Race.

(You think I would have lost weight in Africa. Somehow I gained weight. Must have been the beer. The wine was bad and the beer was cheap 3 Bir about 50 cents a beer).

When I got home I “adopted” an 11-year-old girl. it’s in quotes because I only got to keep her for four months. Sandra comes from El Salvador. Brought here by Mending Kids. Her hand was one piece of flesh. An amazing surgeon at Shriners Hospital LA made her fingers. She lived with my family and me while recovering from two surgeries.

Her family is very poor. She had never been in a car before coming to LA. She got car sick everyday. She threw up in all the best places, on Rodeo Drive, at Huckleberry’s in Santa Monica. She once threw up at CNN when I was doing a TV appearance. She spoke no English. My Spanish sucks. But we did communicate. And maybe I did spoil her a bit. A child should see Disneyland AND California Adventure, right?

She is back home on now. So part of my heart is in El Salvador. I can still see her waving goodbye. With 10 perfect fingers.

(Took 10 minutes to write that, Only 7 minutes left to sweat.)

I did charity “work” when I was working. But somehow it’s more rewarding now. I had a great job. Now I’m “working” on having a great life.

I don’t get to shop but I do get to drop my son off at school everyday. Every morning he tells me I am too happy. That is his assessment of me. He actually said you are too happy and you eat too much cheese. I said life is gouda (too cheesy?)

(If I would cut the cheese I wouldn’t have to wear this thing. But I’m done)

My tummy is bright red. I hope I shed some weight. In case you are wondering I’m not a paid spokesperson for this weird tummy thing. My husband will tell you I’m not paid for anything anymore. We are a one pay check family. I will have to find a job someday. For now I’m a Mommy Blogger. Mostly enjoying life. Sucking in my gut and making the world a slightly better place.

I’m saving the world one glass of wine at a time. The wine goes so well with the cheese.

My 45 minutes are up,

Goodbye for now little blog.

.