THE NEW VIRGINS of MALIBU and THE BABY BOCELLI

Can you become a born again virgin? For the very second time? We do so many kegels (that thing where you hold in your pee) in dance class. My dance teacher’s gynecologist thinks she’s the Virgin Mary Mom.

So I’m taking this dance class (those of you who know me or have seen me on TV know I can’t dance) in a trailer in Malibu. It’s got a pole but we are more likely to pray than pole dance. There are kids, dogs, actresses and Rock Stars in class on any given day. Today there were 2 teens I have known since they were 2. Their kindergarten teacher happened to be there too.

We burn about 2000 calories a class. You shake your booty, your boobs. Anything that moves. The class is very moving (you just cant move the next day). The idea is shake your ass and save your soul.

(Neda the hottest/coolest dance teacher EVER teaches JAM in Malibu at Spectrum in Pacific Palisades and has a JAM Moves DVD)

Since I started this class I got my ass into a dress I haven’t worn for a while. I wore it to an event honoring Chef Bruno Serato. He’s my favorite Italian. And that’s saying something. When my husband says “where should we go after Nash graduates?” I always say I’M going to Italy.

Chef Bruno has a restaurant in Anaheim called the White House. He also feeds about 400 hungry kids each night. The kids are homeless or live in motels (where there’s no kitchen.) Without Chef Bruno they might have a bag of chips (if anything) for dinner. He feeds these kids because years ago his Mama came from Italy to visit. She saw hungry kids and said Son you must feed them. Si…he’s a good boy.

The Good News Girls honored Bruno 2 years ago. Ana Garcia and I were honored to be his guests at the event. But somehow the stunning Nastassja Kinski sat in our seats. We walked away to find another table to crash (we could have crashed with Priscilla Presley or David Foster. I was voting for Roberto Cavalli’s table. Why not make friends and get some free Cavalli?)

As we were leaving Nastassja grabbed my arm and asked if I remembered the “incident”. I had no idea what she was talking about. I must find her and find out if I did something (or if she thinks I’m some other crazy blonde).

Anyway after scrounging around for two empty seats we wound up at the crazy Italian table. The guy sitting next to me works for Italian Vogue. He spoke mostly Italian (only words I got were “strip club” and “fuck”.) He was hilarious in several languages. Ana and I are now awaiting our Italian Vogue cover.

Eventually the guest of honor of our table sat down. The Baby Bocelli. Andrea Bocelli was singing at the event and his 14 month old baby girl and her nanny sat with us. The baby kept chewing pieces of bread and handing them to Ana. Since Bocelli is blind he likes to hold baby Virginia close to his face to smell her. I think we may have done that too. Too much wine later her Daddy came on stage. The drunk Italians sang louder than he did.

I do find Italians terribly romantic and I did fall in love that night …with the Baby Bocelli.

OK blogging was just described to me as throwing up on the page. So I’m done barfing (or regurgitating like the Baby Bocelli). And anyway it’s almost time for dance class…