SELF HELP IS CRAP

I killed a TV show. Didn’t kill it in a good way. I actually killed it. It went off TV.

This was before Good Day LA. I think that one is still on TV. At least that’s what people tell me.

Each day people tell me they miss the old Good Day LA. This isn’t just my husband telling me he misses my old paycheck. These are sweet people I meet. I find myself comforting them, hugging them. Telling them it’s OK. I’m good.

My waitress the other day (imagine me in a bar) said “I don’t want you to think I want a big tip” (doesn’t she know I had to stop over tipping?) She said “I miss you guys.” She almost cried. So I almost cried. And you can’t cry over a spilled TV show.

Now I might have cried if they had killed my friend Josh Malina off Scandal. Cute Jake Ballard/Scott Foley almost shot Josh. When Josh got the script (somehow) he wasn’t nervous. He told James Novack/Dan Bucatinsky they won’t kill us. Not so fast David Rosen. They did kill James. But Josh is safe…for now.

Anyhow…I killed a show called Attitudes. I didn’t kill it alone. Rolonda Watts was my co-host. We were reporters together at WABC in NY. We’d stand out in the snow and say things like “it’s snowing”. And (somehow) we got a national talk show. It was so long ago we were young women with big dreams and tiny asses.

I got the show after I moved to LA. So I lived in LA and worked in NY. Lived in Marina del Rey and worked in Queens. Sounded like fun. It was for a few weeks. Which is all it lasted.

I should not have been shocked when it got cancelled.

My very first day we had on a psychic named Char. She said “nice to meet you” and “you won’t be here long”. Did I mention it was my first day? She said there’s something better coming for you…

Now Char and I are good friends. And (somehow) I don’t ask about my future. I just pray that something better is coming.
Besides if you had a friend who was a dermatologist would you ask for free Botox? Well…maybe.

No one ever cried to me about the passing of Attitudes. But Rolonda and I had a good laugh. I hadn’t seen Ro in years. I was getting my purse to leave a party & there she was. We laughed our somewhat larger asses off.

The next day I got some news about another old friend. A young woman, a producer on Good Day. Always sweet and upbeat.
Her name was Lorrily Fetheroff. Maybe you saw her name in the credits.

Her memorial was at First Presbyterian in Encino. Her parents told me they met at that church. They got married at that church. Lorrily had been baptized there.

She looked so much like her parents, it was (somehow) like she was standing there.
She was their only child. She collapsed and died in their arms. I can’t even imagine.
Tried my best to (somehow) comfort them…but how can you.

At the memorial I did see some friends from Good Day. It’s an awkward mix of good to see you and what the fuck? I rarely see them. When I do they don’t know what to say. It’s like the waitress, I (somehow) comfort them. I say… I’m good.

No matter what I ask my son says “I’m good”.
Nash did you do your homework? I’m good.
Nash did you take the trash out? I’m good.
It’s annoying.
But I have (somehow) picked up his annoying habit.
Ask me anything and…I’m good.
My old boss (not the one who said I made his eyes bleed) once said to me “TV is like a cult and when your out you’re out.”
I’m out. And I’m good.

And if I’m not good I play the HAPPY song. When my son acts like a teenager he hears… Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth…

That annoys him.
So we’re even.
But here’s my truth…
And believe me I’ve had time to reflect on this.
Most self help is crap.
Was that too crass?
I try to pray or meditate everyday.
But for me self help means helping someone else.
Do something for someone.
It’s like a facial for your brain.
Helping others has (somehow) helped me realize there are even bigger things than being on TV.
So…I’m good.