JELL-O SHOTS & JAMIE FOXX

So my son crashed Paris Hilton’s party.

Or so he thought.

I was sorry to inform him that he was misinformed.

He and his buddies actually crashed the party next door.

They were walking on the beach, saw a party & walked in.

There was a DJ & one of the kids started dancing.

Thankfully their asses got danced out of there.

Paris was next door. Her 4th of July party seemed more like Halloween.  She hired girls in bikinis to dance on her deck. The dancers looked just like her.  Almost like they were wearing Paris masks. That’s weird right? Or maybe that’s Hollywood. Except she was in Malibu.

She’ s renting a beach house from our friends. They say she’s not allowed to have a big crowd at their house. I was going to send them photos…but why ruin their vacation. I’m sure they will pick up US Weekly & see their crowded house.

The paparazzi was all over the beach. Some got soaked trying to get photos of Paris. Didn’t they know James Foxx was just down the beach?  Jamie was on his way to Nobu to do a duet with Chris Brown.  When I talked to Jamie there was no paparazzi. But there were plenty of people with cameras. He took the time to take a photo with each kid on the beach.

I was walking the beach looking for my kid. And walked right into a paparazzo’s shot. He was trying to take a photo of Paris. Sorry Dude, that’s just me. I posed anyway.  My girlfriend told the guy I used to be on TV. He seemed very skeptical.

I posted that photo and people asked if that was my ass. Do you think I have a stunt booty? Am I Kim Kard-ASSian?

I could have made an ass of myself if I’d finished my 4th of July Jell-O shot.  Must have had a 5th of vodka in it.  I carried it around all day cause it matched my shirt. But never ate it. Or do you drink a Jell-O shot? Either way… I did neither.

On the 5th I was going to paddleboard. Then I heard about the shark attack in Manhattan Beach. A  small great white (sounds like an oxymoron)  took a bite out of  a man. He’s going to be OK.  But it ruined my plans for the day. It’s not like the shark was going to swim up to Malibu…but you never know. I’d tell the shark stay away. Too much paparazzi up here.

There’s video of the shark attack on You Tube. You can hear people laughing. Can you please tell me why they’re laughing?  Maybe they didn’t get what they were seeing. Maybe they were drinking. But has anyone ever been so drunk that a shark attack was funny? And another story that makes my heart sad. A  Newport Beach lifeguard lost his life trying to save one. A lifeguard hasn’t died there in 100 years.  But the waves were huge, with swells of 12 feet.

I know many of the Malibu lifeguards.

They taught my son to swim and surf. I have the greatest respect and affection for them.

So between the big waves and the small shark…I won’t paddleboard today.

Instead I’ll say a little prayer.

And blog…