EMMYS, DOGS & BEARS…oh my.

A bear must shit in the woods.

Unless they use the smelly porta potty.

I can’t even pee in the woods. I get stage fright. But on a 5 mile hike you hydrate and urinate.

In Yosemite they call it chasing a deer. You hide and pee and presumably look for deer.

They call number 2 chasing a bear. I could never chase a bear in the wilderness.

But I did see one at a gas station.

A group of girls took a road trip. We called it…The Misadventures of the Middle-aged Malibu Moms in Mammoth.

We got a little lost in Yosemite. And about 4 miles into our 5 mile hike Reilly could no longer climb every mountain. So we packed Reilly in a backpack and I strapped him on.  Reilly, by the way,  is a dog.  Now I know I can bench press a King Charles Spaniel.

Hiking makes you hungry. We drove (cause we could no longer walk) to dinner. My friend Karen screams, slams on the breaks and makes a U-turn.

She was chasing a bear. Not pooping. Literally chasing a bear.

The baby bear ran in front of  us.  We barely missed it. Then we start to follow the little guy (or girl. We got close, but not that close.)

It ran past the gas station and stopped at a dumpster. Since the bear was having dinner, we went to dinner too.

Got home from the trip just in time for the LA Emmys. Those are awards for people still on TV.

My husband was a nominee, and we were presenters.

I needed a dress. I didn’t have time (or money) to buy one.  So I went to Rent the Runway. You pick a dress on-line and they send it.  They had 2 dresses I loved,  one black one white.  The white looked long (never!) so I ordered black. It had feathers that looked so cute on-line. On me…it looked like I was molting.

Now it’s Friday.

Emmys are Saturday.

I went back on-line.  Again I liked the white dress. But stressed with the Emmys the next day, I played it safe.  I ordered a black dress I ‘d worn before. Who rents the same dress twice?  I could own the damn thing by now.

Anyhow it arrived on time. And it was fine

We were on our way to the show in beach traffic. I have flown to Africa faster.

Pat Harvey asked me to save her a seat. I said my seat was still on the 405. We started getting 4 or 5 texts from the Emmy people. Then phone calls. We were the first presenters in the show. I was starting to sweat on my rented dress.

We got there as the show was starting. I ran backstage ( you know me, I had to stop & pee) and ran into Lauren Sivan. Lauren looked very pretty in the WHITE DRESS  I almost rented. Now if we had the same dress that would have been bad. But for me the true tragedy was how cute she looked in the white.

Even in boring black the show must go on.

David & I get on stage and got to present an award to NBC 4.  I got to hug a few of my favorite girls, Colleen Williams and Kim Baldonado.

We went back stage to catch our breath.

The we heard David’s name.

Within 5 minutes of arriving we gave away three Emmys and David won one.

At this very moment my dog (not the one I carried for a mile, my dog)  is licking the Emmy.

I’m about to go mail my boring black dress back.

But David gets to keep the Emmy.