A CUP OF PRETTY

A funny thing happened on the way to the waterfall.
I fell.
My butt looks like Barney…
Big and purple.
This is a Fiji injury.
So I don’t expect sympathy.
A funny thing happened on the way to Fiji…
I had to fill out a form.
That asked…
What’s your occupation.
So…
I used to say host, or reporter or something,
Now?
What?
Paddle boarder?
That’s the other reason I look like Barney.
I fell.
On a one foot wave.
In one foot of water.
Cracked my back.
Lost my sunglasses.
My back is black and blue.
And purple.
Like my butt.
But…
No sympathy.
It’s a Fiji injury.
I was lucky to go.
But I’m obviously no professional paddle boarder.
So…occupation?
I’m a Mom.
But my kid is almost a grownup.
I volunteer for charities.
Not exactly a job.
I wrote…writer.
I’m a writer, right?
I’m writing right now.
Once I got to Fiji yet another weird/funny thing…
They confiscated my protein powder.
I think they thought it was something else.
I’ve been putting Bulletproof (like that crazy coffee you drink with butter) Collagen Protein powder in my coffee.
I’m obsessed with it.
I think it’s getting rid of my wrinkles.
People ask what I’ve done.
Funny what a compliment it is when people suggest you’ve had plastic surgery.
I think it’s the collagen & coconut cream in my coffee.
I call it my cup of pretty.
I was sad to lose my protein powder.
But I found a better drink.
Kava doesn’t make you pretty.
But it makes you pretty happy.
It’s a root that they mix with water.
Now that’s good Fiji water.
Because it takes away anxiety.
It tastes like shit.
Or how I imagine shit might taste.
They ask if you want high tide (a big cup of shit)
Or low tide.
Low tide was enough to ebb away my anxiety.
Now if I could just add my protein…
It would be the pretty happy Fiji water.
You can buy Kava here.
Apparently it’s not good for your liver.
But neither is anything else I eat or drink.
Here’s something not good about Fiji.
It’s far away.
You have to cross the International Date Line.
But it’s worth the trip.
It was even worth forfeiting my protein beauty secret.
It’s all water sports, waterfalls and rainbows.
I saw a rainbow everyday.
And even though I’m a rainbow of purple, black & blue…
It was the perfect vacation.
Vacation from what??
I’m not working.
Oh right…
I’m a writer.