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Wine is my favorite food group.
I rarely eat anything that hasn’t been to a factory first.
I’m not saying do what I do.
But people ask…
What do you do?
Or…
What did you do?
Implying plastic surgery.
The ultimate compliment.
But…
If you really want to know.
Here are 5 things I do.
Every day.
Several rituals involve drinking.
And surprisingly…
Not wine.
Every day I…
1) Steal my son’s Retin-A.
Don’t tell him.
I’m pretty sure he doesn’t read my blog.
Retin-A gets rid of teenage zits.
And other shit.
Like lines, wrinkles & sun spots.
I have the most gorgeous Dermatologist.
Dr Wu uses Retin-A.
When I confessed to stealing my son’s…
She gave me Renova.
It’s similar.
But more for wrinkles than zits.
But when I ran out…
I ran right back to my kid’s room.
I’ve been in the sun for years.
My son is helping me look younger.
Every day I…
2) Pray.
I try to meditate.
In 2 minutes I’m checking Twitter.
But I do talk to God.
And he puts up with my Instagram obsession.
I ask God to take negative thoughts out of my head.
I ask each time I find myself thinking something bitchy.
So I ask often.
I also ask God to help me do something nice for someone.
Sometimes people tell me I’m nice.
I’m not that fucking nice.
I just used the F word to prove it.
Doing something for someone is my therapy.
It gets me out of my head.
Every day I…
3) Sneak something in a drink.
Not roofies.
Fish Oil.
Been putting coconut oil and fish oil in my son’s smoothies for years.
He always suspected something fishy.
I put protein and collagen in my coffee.
I use Bulletproof Collagen protein.
It’s great for your skin.
It’s like ironing your turkey neck.
I also add that bad French Vanilla coffee mate.
I told you,
I’m not that healthy.
Every day I…
4) Drink away my anxiety.
Not with wine.
With Oolong tea.
My sister introduced me to this skinny, happy tea.
It helps cut calories.
And it’s great for anxiety.
I know prayer is the answer to all anxiety.
But tea helps.
Every day I…
5) Get out!
I like to pretend I hike or paddleboard everyday.
But even us under employed people have stuff to do.
But I do get outside.
My place of peace is the beach.
But even walking my dog down the street is relaxing.
Actually it’s not.
She’s always barking at something
I just assumed she was crazy…
But yesterday we did see a coyote.
And I think I saw a bat.
So maybe she isn’t batshit crazy.
Anyway…
These are things I do to keep myself from going batshit crazy.
Every day…
Dorothy,
Your skin looks amazing! I just ordered the bulletproof still waiting for it to,arrive. I also have done http://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatmentsandsideeffects/treatmenttypes/photodynamic-therapy this therapy. I have been in the sun for years hanging out at the beach in my teens using coppertone oil ..this therapy gets rid of he precancerous spots, wrinkles and smooths out the skin.. It isn’t the most comfortable for a few days but your skin is amazing afterwards!
A message I just sent to channel 5…
Really guys, Dayna Devon?? C’mon, she might be fine if KTLA was in Omaha, but we’re the epicenter of entertainment! If you require a fill in for Sam, you know that Dorothy Lucey is the only choice. Nobody will turn KTLA off because Devon is on, however, you’ll gain viewers with Dorothy Lucey, She’s the very definition of L.A. Entertainment and you know it. She has a massive following who’ll watch Channel 5 just because of her. This isn’t the case with Sam’s current fill in and Dorothy doesn’t just report it, she lives it! Plus, she’s got legs!
I know, she really bothers me! I want Dorothy in there too. Hey, when Jessica goes on maternity leave, maybe she can fill in for her! That would be great!!
Hi, Dorothy! I miss seeing you, but I’m enjoying reading your blog. I was wondering what brand of Oolong Tea do you like best?
I concur Toni. I am not saying that Dorothy doesn’t get a little goofy, in a pleasurable way, but the gal on today is a stone cold electronic irritant. Poof! they lost a viewer immediately. Sam can’t touch Dorothy either, but at least I don’t scramble for the remote when he is on.
The older I get, the less acceptable I am to change. I want to go back to Jiggly Boobalarie, Dorothy and a station with a double digit channel instead of a station with double digit IQ newscasters. I guess Thoreau got it right when he spoke of news; ” I seriously think a ready wit might write a twelve-month, or twelve years, beforehand with sufficient accuracy.”
I’m going sailing…
These comments are better than the Blog!
Thanks!
Xo
DL
You crack me up! Heavens to Betsy…I sure do miss you in the mornings.
You better know it Superstar! These fools in the morning are just plain annoying!
WoW Dirothy! Thanks so very much for sharing! I especially like the pray part! You are also blessed with great genes. I truly miss seeing you in the morning. If you come back, I would consider watching again. Miss you!! I’m going to get the tea and the Renovation adapt. I already do the praying part. Thanks again for responding!
Hi Dorothy,
I bought some of that Bulletproof Collagen Protein, but yours says “Upgraded” and has a different description in the banner. Where do you get yours? I can’t find anything that looks like your package on the internet. I wonder if they just changed the packaging.
Thanks,
Toni
LOL!! I love the shit outta you, Dorothy and miss you so much in my mornings!
Thank you for the laugh and the much needed tips, but I’ll just stick to the Bulletproof and Oolong… I know, I’m bad. At least I admit it!
Have a great upcoming weekend!
Toni